So I don't have a new baby to talk about, I don't have a family with lots of activities going on that I can talk about or gush over. I have my little dog Roscoe who is so cute and always there when I need someone to cuddle with. I am single because circumstances just haven't lent to me getting married....i.e. no one asked me haha. I try and be a good christian and look at the positive side of being single cause I know there are some. Like I can go shopping when I want, I can go on vacation when I want, I can go in service when I want. But what good are those things when you have no one to share them with. I have a very large "family" but they all got married and now have families of their own. I am no longer relavent in their lives many people come before me. So this week I have been feeling very blue about this. I tried studying for the meeting on Sunday thinking the article on singleness would help me out but to no avail I just felt worse. I want to share my life with someone and have someone want to be with me. I don't want to be the second, third, fourth, fifth, etc., etc. choice for someone to hang out with. I don't want to have uncomfortable situations where people have to tell me that they are a family and I am my own family and that I just have to fend for myself. Ok it wasn't that way but that's what it felt like. Don't get me wrong they are totally right and if I had a family of my own I would be the same way. I want someone to love me and want to be with me and all other people come second and third and fourth.....
So today instead of sitting at home and moping again I got up and kept my service plans with Tamara. When I got there everyone was so happy to see me and that felt good. Then Tamara asks me if I want to go out for the morning and then go to Midland or Grand Rapids. I was so happy that someone wanted to hang out with me and had the same thought I had that morning but didn't bring up because I didn't want to get shot down. I accepted her offer and had a great day in service then went to Grand Rapids where we shopped until we dropped. Didn't get home until 10:30 pm. I just followed her around but still it was nice to have someone there with me. She talked about how she was so happy to have someone that would just go pal around with her and shop all day too and not have to or want to be somewhere else. It's friends like that that brighten my day. She is married but I never get the feeling that she is wishing she was home or that her husband was always calling asking where she was and wanting her to come home. She was there and she was with me and we talked and we vented and we had fun.
I have a few other friends that also help me out when I am down. Earlier in the week Crystal talked to me and tried to cheer me up some. I also have Wendy that I can talk to about my singleness woes cause she's usually right in the same boat I am. So even though I'm still a little blue and will probably get this way again I know that I have my friends that I can count on. I also know that I have my family too but they get tired of me and even though they say they don't I can tell they do.
So in the end I have no major revelation on how I am going to be happy. I have no words of wisdom for all the other single ones out there. But what I do have and know is that if I stick with Jehovah and his organization then one way or another I'm going to make it. And maybe just maybe I will be able to have the life I always wanted with a husband and kids in Paradise here on earth.
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